Old Flames and Past Reflections





Love…First Love…and its sweet mess! I’m fully aware that writing about “LOVE” is a bit cliche since everybody has their own stories to tell. I feel quite lame to be writing about this, and that definitely amplifies the already pathetic feeling that seems to be lurking here and there. Be it movies or novels, I am not a big fan of the whole lovey-dovey, typical romantic stories where everything just magically works out in the end…yaaay! But there’s this urge inside of me that’s forcing me to write about my first encounter with love, and it’s the kind of urge you simply cannot ignore. 


Falling in love is like drinking whiskey. Or at least that’s what I like to think. You don’t get drunk straight off but start to get tipsy, light headed and clumsy. Then you drink more...and some more… And when the world around you starts to spin madly, that’s when you realize you’re in that severe state of “drunkenness”. I am of the opinion that “first love and heartache” is a thing of high school…or “adolescents” to be precise. But this happened with me last year. Yes, I met my first love at the age of 19! And no, I’m not kidding. I sincerely wish I am though.

The butterflies on your stomach, the feeling of nervousness and excitement for that unexplored realm of romance, and the smile that sends shivers down your spine. It’s truly amazing how a human heart is capable of feeling so many emotions at once. There are hugs you can’t get enough of and kisses that give you a hummingbird heartbeat. And then the “L” word! When you listen to a very cool indie record like Bon Iver or Florence + The Machine for the first time and you feel like your soul is leaving your body, and you’re taken somewhere else where everything is in slow motion… This is how I define the kind of feeling hearing the “I love you” for the first time gives a person. You gaze into that person’s eyes and see that they actually mean it, and you get lost in their eyes, lost in that moment and how you wish for nothing else but for time to stop!

Then comes the agony of separation and heartache. No more I love you’s. No more I miss you’s. Just shadows of your tragic fairy tale and memories that haunts you in your sleep. Silence becomes your worst enemy-a sound that keeps you up at night. There are nights when you cry yourself to sleep and other nights when numbness grabs a hold of you and you completely zone out. Everyone goes through this at some point in their lives. I know that. It’s only natural; it’s what makes us human. But that doesn't mean it’s easy. I guess sometimes some of us feel things too much, much more than we’re supposed to, till it gets to the point where it hurts us.  

My summer romance was bittersweet and short lived. I guess one can never prepare for such an ending, because it comes like a thief at night-sudden and discreet. In the blink of an eye, we became stories of the past, like silhouettes under the pale moon light. I didn't understand why “goodbyes” happen, I still don’t and I may never understand why. But the one thing I've learnt from life is that some things are not meant to be understood, but to be accepted. And I believe everything that happened was exactly the way it was meant to happen, the good and the bad, and I have no regrets. I wouldn't change a thing even if I was given the chance. I realize now that bad things happen so that you can learn to appreciate the good, so that you can grow and learn from the experiences life presents you with. And I’m proud to say I’ll be forever grateful for having met someone in my life who makes saying goodbye so hard.


Comments

  1. darling, we are all yet to find the good in "goodbye" :)!!! he isnt ur prince charming, but dont worry, your knight will come. Maybe not in a shining armor or on a horse but just the day to want him to-with a rugged look and an indie record banging on his ear :)

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    1. honey, you know me too damn well its almost creepy :D :D

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  3. Very honest! if falling in love is like drinking whiskey then breaking up is the hangover. :-D

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  4. OMG, rin ai zek in i va lo expi tawh ve. Since you're Amelia's friend, I just assume you're just a kid too, and here you are, writing about first love and emotions and all that jazz! Well written. You really are a die-hard romantic :)

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  5. Hahaha expi lai tak khiii k chau vek! Well...if you say so...ti tawh mai ag! :D

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  6. Posting this with mixed feelings because Im a little apprehensive that having a teacher lurking around your blogosphere might make you wary about putting your thoughts out there but decided to comment anyway because Im impressed. And I would advise you to continue doing so because blogging is a good medium etc etc, ok, teacher mode off.

    Gawd, to have attained this wisdom and insight at so young an age. When I was your age all I thought about was... I don'tknow, I don't remember thinking much :P
    And Bon Iver- yes!

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    1. Thanks a lot miss!!! And i have a teacher who listens to Bon Iver.... WOW this is uber cool! :) :)

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  7. it makes me smile with tears! you are amazing!

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